At church Sunday there is this thing we do that drives me nuts! It is the habitual “Greeting each other in the Peace of Christ”. I am not a hand shaking, smile and be cheerful congregation member so I find this to be rather painful. If this is not bad enough we must ask each other a question (now there are tests, it isn’t like living a Christian life alone isn’t challenging enough).
Last Sunday’s question was most intriguing. I still did not ask anyone the question nor did I answer it. The question… What is one of your greatest fears? What helps you to cope with it?
Fears... I have many fears. Why must I choose one? I know why, the time limitations during worship service. Since this blog is my therapy on my spiritual and emotional journey I will rant about my fears and what I intend to do about them if I am so moved.
Number One:
Spiders, Arachnids, eight legged freaks! Snakes no problem, worms not an issue, assorted aquatic creatures, furry animals large to small I am good with. There is just something wrong about a spider. They are hairy, have odd little bodies, eat their mates (okay maybe that isn’t so bad) and can jump. The jumping thing is really unnerving to me.
What do I do to cope? I live alone so I must fight this battle! I scream, call out the Lords name and roll up newspaper simultaneously. I then crush the evil thing. This is not an always an effective response but it is the best I can do.
Number Two:
Death, it is the finality of it all. I do not mind growing old. I think growing old is a really cool aspect of life. I find that the older I get the more I like myself, am more accepting of others and can enjoy that I am so beyond the drama of the young. I want to be one of those cool old ladies who reads, is politically active, dresses in bright colors, vacations in all kinds of odd places and still has an active sex life. Yes, I will still drink medicinal vodka based beverages too.
How does one cope with death? You don’t. It is like fighting time and gravity. You cannot win. I know this every time I look in the mirror at my breasts. Ah, to have the breasts of a 20 year old again… Surgery maybe? Naw, this is the way it is too bad so sad. Coping is taking care of yourself, having a personal trainer, working out, eating right, taking vitamins, health screenings, and doing things you enjoy. Alas, I will die but I will not go out without a fight!
Number Three:
Not being able to wear heels. I have this shoe issue. It is kind of like a hobby, a collection; I admit it is an all consuming obsession! I prefer high heels but I like louis heels, kitten heels, spooled heels and so on… I like pointy toes the best. I do not wear shoes that are uncomfortable but I like them to be fashionable. I mean what is life without Nordstroms, DSW and even Payless? Who could look at a Manolo Blahnik shoe and not think he has been touched by the divine to design shoes of such beauty! As you see this may not be considered rational by some. I find that the non-shoe connoisseur owns only sensible shoes that lack any kind of panache! Did I mention that they only own maybe 10 pair? I will never admit to how many I own… I hate the look of shock and distain.
How do I deal with this fear refer to item number two.
Number 4
This is the thing I fear most. I fear loosing my mind and memories to Alzheimer’s or senility. I watch my grandmother leave me little by little the last year of her life. I cannot imagine not knowing. The loss of time, people, ideas, reading, watching or listening. I never want to be a shell without any substance. That scares the hell out of me. What if it happens? Will I know or care? Will I be a burden to society? Will I sit in a corner until my uneventful demise? Will I be the person in a care home who no one ever comes to visit? That thought leaves me with cold chills.
How do I deal with this fear refer to item number two. What else is their? Prayer lots and lots and lots and lots of it.
What makes fear such a force for me, the inability of being able to do one damn thing about it! Spiders will jump. Knees give out. I will one day die. What will I do with my fears? Accept them, love them and put them to the side. Fear stops you from living, loving, smiling and enjoying the smell of a spring day. Touch, taste, scent… bad jokes, good friends, lovers, music…. Fear stops all but with a little rational observation and therapy fear can be a catalyst for all that can be and life is an amazing daily if not moment to moment journey!
Payless is BOGO again… life is good…..
Last Sunday’s question was most intriguing. I still did not ask anyone the question nor did I answer it. The question… What is one of your greatest fears? What helps you to cope with it?
Fears... I have many fears. Why must I choose one? I know why, the time limitations during worship service. Since this blog is my therapy on my spiritual and emotional journey I will rant about my fears and what I intend to do about them if I am so moved.
Number One:
Spiders, Arachnids, eight legged freaks! Snakes no problem, worms not an issue, assorted aquatic creatures, furry animals large to small I am good with. There is just something wrong about a spider. They are hairy, have odd little bodies, eat their mates (okay maybe that isn’t so bad) and can jump. The jumping thing is really unnerving to me.
What do I do to cope? I live alone so I must fight this battle! I scream, call out the Lords name and roll up newspaper simultaneously. I then crush the evil thing. This is not an always an effective response but it is the best I can do.
Number Two:
Death, it is the finality of it all. I do not mind growing old. I think growing old is a really cool aspect of life. I find that the older I get the more I like myself, am more accepting of others and can enjoy that I am so beyond the drama of the young. I want to be one of those cool old ladies who reads, is politically active, dresses in bright colors, vacations in all kinds of odd places and still has an active sex life. Yes, I will still drink medicinal vodka based beverages too.
How does one cope with death? You don’t. It is like fighting time and gravity. You cannot win. I know this every time I look in the mirror at my breasts. Ah, to have the breasts of a 20 year old again… Surgery maybe? Naw, this is the way it is too bad so sad. Coping is taking care of yourself, having a personal trainer, working out, eating right, taking vitamins, health screenings, and doing things you enjoy. Alas, I will die but I will not go out without a fight!
Number Three:
Not being able to wear heels. I have this shoe issue. It is kind of like a hobby, a collection; I admit it is an all consuming obsession! I prefer high heels but I like louis heels, kitten heels, spooled heels and so on… I like pointy toes the best. I do not wear shoes that are uncomfortable but I like them to be fashionable. I mean what is life without Nordstroms, DSW and even Payless? Who could look at a Manolo Blahnik shoe and not think he has been touched by the divine to design shoes of such beauty! As you see this may not be considered rational by some. I find that the non-shoe connoisseur owns only sensible shoes that lack any kind of panache! Did I mention that they only own maybe 10 pair? I will never admit to how many I own… I hate the look of shock and distain.How do I deal with this fear refer to item number two.
Number 4
This is the thing I fear most. I fear loosing my mind and memories to Alzheimer’s or senility. I watch my grandmother leave me little by little the last year of her life. I cannot imagine not knowing. The loss of time, people, ideas, reading, watching or listening. I never want to be a shell without any substance. That scares the hell out of me. What if it happens? Will I know or care? Will I be a burden to society? Will I sit in a corner until my uneventful demise? Will I be the person in a care home who no one ever comes to visit? That thought leaves me with cold chills.
How do I deal with this fear refer to item number two. What else is their? Prayer lots and lots and lots and lots of it.
What makes fear such a force for me, the inability of being able to do one damn thing about it! Spiders will jump. Knees give out. I will one day die. What will I do with my fears? Accept them, love them and put them to the side. Fear stops you from living, loving, smiling and enjoying the smell of a spring day. Touch, taste, scent… bad jokes, good friends, lovers, music…. Fear stops all but with a little rational observation and therapy fear can be a catalyst for all that can be and life is an amazing daily if not moment to moment journey!
Payless is BOGO again… life is good…..
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