Posts, Reader Digest version and a meager job market

I am sorry that I have not posted. I have had posts and communication asking what the hell is wrong! To be honest I have not done much of anything. Why, you may wonder? What could BCarol have been up too all this time?

I will give you the Reader Digest version

Unemployed (yes still and let me tell you it is a meager job market)

My aunt became critically ill (she was incoherent for several days and lost kidney function for over a week). She has now recovered kidney function and is recuperating slowly but steadily.

Then… My cousin suffered a series of strokes due to a brain disease. She had brain surgery. The prognosis is not good. I kept my cousin 6-year-old daughter for over a week. I live with three cats. I survived and the cats honed their skills of stealth. In fact I was impressed. No one was scratched, bitten or became furless.

Then… My father had heart surgery. He is doing exceptionally well and his recovery was quick!

All of this transpired within a six-week window. Sooooo now that I have some kind of life again and have slept for a week I am ready to write again! Now what to write about… Something I have been reflecting on recently.

My home, the mortgaged estate is my center of being. I thought why am I so centered on walls and floors? I could not figure out why if I do not find a position that I am so worried about loosing my house. There are other houses.

It occurred to me THIS IS MY HOME. My mother and father divorced after 40 years of marriage. He decided that he wanted to marry his mistress. Fine for him I am full-grown, educated and healthy do what you must father.

However, for me it meant the loss of a home. My mother sold the house she received in the settlement and then moved in with her sister. It was a wise choice on her part and good for both. She sold the furniture that I did not take (it really does look lovely in my home). She liquidated almost everything. Now there is nothing left… No more are there Christmas or Easter dinners. You are an adult when you can truly never go home… I have no home.

I purchased a house and then began making it my own.

I had a blessing ceremony and the house was filled with friends. I found that when people visited they were relaxed and stayed. I enjoyed cooking and mixing medicinal beverage for them. I made my own home. My own traditions! Not the conformist home but one where it is warm, welcoming and peaceful. I have a great vibe here! I have positive emotions here. I have friendship, love and peace. I do not want to leave it!

Before you think that I have slipped into some kind of self imposed hyper sentimentality I will give you actual examples.


I found when the six-year-old was here I gained additional children. You can win the world with grape juice and hot dogs on the grill. My deck became the hot spot for Star Wars play, play-doh and the feeding of fish in the water feature. Maybe I could be Donna Reed? Don’t think so!





I have given splits of perennials to friends. I have plants in my park that were splits from plants of friend’s grandmothers. I believe that this is good karma. Why else could everything in the park look like this? I think that I may have found my sanctuary and do not wish to loose it.

I pray that God will be kind and that I will soon find my way to continue Zen, happiness and gainful employment. If you can spare a positive thought send it up and out for me. I wish to live here and continue my traditions, my gardens and my life.