I have an especially valued friend. I have known her know for 12+ years. She has been there through illness, death, break-ups, personal disasters and so on… She is grounded in her faith, generous with her time and talents. All in all I think her exceptional. There has been an issue in her life that has caused her anguish. We all find ourselves in financial turmoil but for this friend it has never relented.
I heard for the first time that she felt that she was being punished by God. I was astonished! You? No not you! I look to you for all that is good in a person. You have faith, family and love. How on earth could you think that?
I like my blog for I can be honest without causing harm to those I write about or myself for that matter. I will refer to this friend as BFF easier that way. She met and fell honestly and earnestly in love with her current husband. They have shared 15+ years of a happy marriage. They are devoted. It is what I think of a marriage as being. So why would she be punished by God? BFF was married when she met her husband.
For me this is a raw issue. My mother and father divorced after 40 years of marriage. My father who taught me my values actually is an adulterer who married the “other woman”. I have many grave issues with this. It is not only my father’s choice but the stringent up bringing and expectations he had of me. I placed personal happiness as second, third or even fourth to the expectations of acceptable behavior. I carry feelings that with therapy and prayer I can accept but not completely forgive.
So why do I feel that BFF is different then my father? I am not sure and this has caused me great consternation. Both she and my father share the same transgression. Both have caused pain to their spouses. How can it be different? Is there forgiveness?
After serious thought and meditation I have come to some personal conclusions. While BFF did knowingly move forward into her relationship it did lead to some things that could not have happened without her decisions.
I read the bible on occasion. If made into a movie it would receive an R rating with ease. The bible has a long list of murder, lust, theft, adultery, coveting, betrayal, and vigilantly justice. This is stuff that the best or worst minds in Hollywood could not come up with. Looking into the good book I found King David, Reuben and Lot. Talk about sins… Still David was blessed by God.
I ask why is there or would there be reprisals from God? Is what happened wrong? Yes, without doubt. Is BFF marriage less because of this? No? Is she happy with her husband and is he happy with his wife? Yes. The injured husband involved is he suffering? No, he is remarried and has children and a solid faith/family foundation. I do not know God’s plan but I also know that all happens for reasons that are beyond our limited knowledge and understanding.
What comfort can I offer BFF? She can look to the Grace of God.
Job22:3 Is it any pleasure to the Almighty, that thou art righteous? or is it gain to him, that thou makest thy ways perfect?
BFF has God’s Grace by her own admission and acceptance of her actions and choices. Grace is not limited by good acts, good works or righteous intent. Grace is given by God and our reply is to maintain such a precious gift. My response is that before God and asking for that Grace you will still have triumphant and failure but you will also know that you do not walk alone in your life. Whatever lesson God is teaching you is not about your past but what lies ahead of you.
Faith is never easy or comfortable if it was everyone would have it. As we know many are choosing not to be capable of it. BFF has and will find her faith in hand and looking for relief as we all do.
A little Kirk Franklin, he always lifts my spirits
Looking For You
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