I purchased a home about three years ago. An investment as my financial advisor suggested. Me being naïve I thought whom in the world would give me money for a house. Sadly, they were lining up. No debt load a good credit… Who knew? I am now the owner (I consider it renting from a mortgage company without any maintenance support) of a three-bedroom 1 and ½ bath two story.
I understand with the purchase of a home you gain many things good and bad. Leaks, broken things and the never ending money sucking sound that a home of your own creates. I however gain something totally unexpected. I gained a little boy. Now this is new territory for me. I do not have children and the male of the species has always been problematic for me. Still this child of 4 and ½ when we met was something beyond words.
Not beyond words. He has a vocabulary that is really advanced. An example the boy(as I will refer to him) asked me what are your cats names? I answered Zoey, Topaz and Jupiter. His response… Why did you name him after a planet? Well excuse me. I was unaware that small children had a grasp of the solar system. I am okay with that but there was more to come.
Ah, the joy of the dinosaur. Brontosaurus was the largest dinosaur to live on land. That they were bigger than my house... They were herbivorous they only ate fruits and vegetables, had body armor and a really long tail but they are all dead now because a big rock ran into the earth and killed them all like a big bomb. I do not know about you but at 4 or 5 I was still working on the C is for Cookie song on Sesame Street. I was also informed that if you keep Rolly Polly bugs in your pocket make sure you get them out before your mom does your laundry. You get in really big trouble and you go to bed early too.
Now I would like to share the wisdom of the boy. The boy feels that it is not healthy for me to live alone. If I get sick who will make me Jello? This is a sensible question. Having just had a serious illness there is merit to this point. However, I did not feel the need to follow the boys dating, courtship and marriage advice.
The boy over heard me talking to his mother about my current romantic endeavors. I shared that I have looked under every rock in Midwest looking for a suitable man. The boy jumped in at this point leaving his sidewalk chalk behind (he was working on some kind of dinosaur pictorial arranged by sub-species). The boy looked at me as if I was stupid, inept and plain silly. He then took a deep breath and explained that men do not live under rocks. Men live in houses. I need to find a man in a house and make sure he lives alone. This is the first sound romantic advice I have had in some time.
Now if I like the man and he likes me then we can get married. Wow how simple is that. I had this fear filled vision of the boy casing neighborhoods all over town looking for a single man in a house and asking would you like to meet my neighbor lady next door? She is nice has three cats and gives me Popsicles all summer. She works in her yard and if the ice cream man comes by she will buy. She doesn’t know much about bugs and dinosaurs though. The last statement is so sad but true.
Last year Christmas came rolling in. The boy informed me that moon sand comes in colors. Firstly what the hell is moon sand? Not daunted by this I went in a moment of insanity to Toys are Us. Okay for those of you without children this is a scene of terror beyond words. Parents looking wildly for toys that do a myriad of things from running in circles, requiring heavy layers of whoreish make-up and make noises that would drive Sister Teresa to drink heavily. Grandparents looking lost and wondering how a little piece of plastic can cost so much?
I however prevailed and found the moon sand in colors. Oh joy of joys moon sand. I got the last one! There was a mom who was behind me who was almost in tears for she had been on the quest for colored moon sand all day. I did not give up my new found treasure… honestly she was on her own.
What was my gain for this endeavor? I made a little boy very happy and received a personally hand made and designed Christmas card attached to an oddly wrapped box (he wanted to wrap it himself). The box contained four crystal martini glasses.
Know that I will be in Toys are Us once again this year. I have not a clue looking for what but I will find it. This is a guarantee.
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