I have a guilty secret. I am ashamed of it and share it with few. Today I announce it to the world...

I have a guilty secret. I am ashamed of it and share it with few. Today I announce it to the world through my blog. What is the secret? Animation. I have loved it since I was a child. I adore it. The Warner Brothers Golden Age...The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show… who couldn’t love the idiot Dudley Do-Right. Today I would like to take a logical bent on my hidden secret guilty pleasure.

What I learned from Batman and how it has affected my life!

What has started this? Batman: The Animated Series. This is one of my favorites. It is so dark and brooding. A wealthy man as a private vigilantly that saves Gotham from all the evils that abound. Mind you there is a shit load of evil in the city of Gotham.

My first question if you have a secret identity who makes and maintains your costume? Do you have a seamstress at your beckon call? Does she or he keep the secret? Maybe you should learn to sew before moving forward in this endeavor? Do the tights chaff? It is difficult to find a good stylist how on earth do you find someone to launder your costume? Is it wash and wear?

What about the Bat Mobile? I think that it is a custom job. Now mind you Bruce Wayne is a multi-billionaire BUT who do you get to change the oil and what if you get a flat? Can you call triple A? Is there a special mechanic? I know when my car needs work it is a $450 investment (at least) and I can find someone to do the work. What happens if you have this super car that does everything? Who do you call? What kind of gas mileage does the Bat Mobile get anyway?

What did I learn? Finding a stylist, a mechanic, clothing and having my laundry done is not as hard as it once seemed.

Now lets start with the villains that will explain why Gotham is not a place to move your family and children.

The Joker: A man falls into a vat of chemicals. When he surfaces he has chalk-white skin, red lips, and green hair. This drives (all be it a very short drive) the Joker insane.

Clay Face: Matt Hagen, an actor who is disfigured in an accident. While recovering, he is approached by Roland Daggett, who offers him a compound called "Renuyu" Daggett promises he will immediately restore Hagen’s looks. The price? Hagen must impersonate people. Hagen would refuse BUT the Renuyu chemical is extremely addictive. Hagen, tries to steal Renuyu. Hagan is found and overdoses on the compound. He does not die but ends up as a lump of clay with arms and legs and able to remake himself into any shape.

Mr. Freeze: A scientist whose designs a freeze treatment for his wife Nora who is dying. The treatment backfires he is covered with cryogenic chemicals. The result is he needs sub-zero temperatures to survive.

Now I am not a scientist, biologist, weapon manufacturer or doctor BUT it seems to me that the biochemical bent runs strong in the city of Gotham. If you are looking for work these industries are available but the side effects? I mean I do not like my body but it beats the hell out of looking like a pile of clay on a potter’s wheel.

What did I learn? Do not study the hard sciences if your only employment opportunity requires form changing chemical compounds, cryogenics, or vats of anything that could cause personal damage. Also do not date men who fit the above qualifications. Hi honey how was your day? Why is your hair green and you have this really peculiar and maniacal laugh. Not a good sign for a lasting relationship

I know that this is all fiction. I know that this is a world of imagination. I know that I am a reasonable well-educated individual who has read Shakespeare, Chaucer and Euripides. I love Dorothy Parker and the Algonquin Round Table. Still there is much to be learned from my childhood pleasure.

Did not centuries of people learn from Aesop's Fables? Brings new meaning to Aesop and son and Mr. Peabody and his boy Sherman…. Rocky and Bullwinkle… hmmm on my way to AOL Video for a little enlightenment and a laugh or two or three….