White tea flavored with honeysuckle

I was sitting with a friend today enjoying a white tea flavored with honeysuckle. The setting my favorite book store. The mood was quite calm. The subject was me. Now I would find the subject rather boring and frankly convoluted. I consider myself intelligent but a topic of discussion I am not. I am a woman of many strong opinions and not scared to share them but I find that the emotional aspects of my person are far removed from my everyday persona.

Ah yes, the persona, the guise and pretext. I openly admit my insecurity to those who I trust. Mind you there are few, very few… People tend to think me secure, dedicated, able to handle all life sends whizzing my way. I rise to the occasion. I can communicate with great directness what the point is. I do not waste time on feigning interest (something I need to work on). This makes me somewhat of a pariah in my current career path (I belong to the lets all think, dress and look alike company). I am not getting any closer to the fore mentioned by the way.

If I have something to say I say it. I am honest but not unkind. If I want to be an acquaintance you will know. If I think highly of your wit, candor, intellect and humor I will listen to you with intensity. I will seek you out. You will find that I do not mention education, money or position as a measurement. I have known many a fool with a PhD. I have known many a half-wit with a great title. I have met many a wealthy person who could not fight their way out of a wet paper bag. Paris Hilton could not find her… you know what the finish of the statement is. However, I am sure that there is a picture of it posted somewhere on the web.

While sipping tea I had an epiphany. No not of the religious nature but of intuitive type... I chose the person that I am. What do I choose? First the consensus was made that I am a woman who will not be walked over (I will stand my ground). I am more giving then anyone imagines. I feel deeply but do not allow it to affect the everyday. I need time alone to decompress and recover from the energy extremes around me. I am tactile. I try desperately not to judge others (that is a job for God and I feel it is highly overrated).

I know that my faith has carried me and will sustain me. I know that faith is about the unknown. If God wanted us to have a complete step by step guide we would have it. We have bits and pieces. Books of the bible that where chosen for us (research it… very interesting).

Okay! What does all this mean? Not a damn thing. What I have found is that I am far harder on myself then need be. I am critical, listened and took to heart all the negative information and emotion I was fed during my youth. Now I am constantly learning that I am a pretty cool person in a rather unorthodox way. I have a flair for the subjects that intrigue. I detest those who will not listen to others. I have a personal style that is all my own and not copied. High heels and the female trappings are something I excel at.

Hmmmm… What else have I learned? A blog is ever so much less expensive then a therapist, medication and heavy drinking. I am phenomenal, I think there are many who would agree.